Those astute among you will probably know that there is likely no-one on earth with this actual name, the obvious, and correct, reasoning behind this is so it can provide a place for me to publicly say things, get advice and the like, without revealing who I am.
Why might I want to do this? Well the short answer is that, even amongst my closest friends, there are some things I don’t share. Maybe they’re things that I don’t like to admit to myself, maybe they’re thoughts too extreme or crazy for me to want to share with others. I guess one of the main reasons is that I don’t like to share the darkest corners of my brain to people, I don’t want people to know what some behaviour changes, which they might not even notice, actually mean as I don’t want to worry them. I certainly don’t want to lose friends because our “friendship” devolves into me using them as a source of dependency.
But what will I share? Well here’s a few non-identifying things:
- I am a PhD student at a top university in the UK
- I am not as young as I feel, but am still closer to 20 than 30
- I have a keen interest in anime and all things Japanese
- I play lots of video games
- My mind is weird and I tend to find my thoughts spiral out of control at the slightest inconvenience
- I probably have at least one as-yet-undiagnosed mental illness (I certainly feel an assessment would not come back completely clean) but feel far too scared about potential implications of this, and to know the truth about this, so try and ignore it
- I have a wide range of hobbies, the main one being archery
- My sexuality is weird/non-existent and for my age I should not be as shocked about these things as I am
- I love staying busy and having friends, and the prospect of losing them is probably the thing that terrifies me the most in the world
I started this blog because I wanted somewhere to turn when something is on my mind and I don’t know who to turn to, or don’t want to inconvenience others by turning to them, but I found it has been nice to just post things that are on my mind, and things I want to say but have no idea who to say them to. It’s quite liberating really to have a space where I can just pour out exactly how I am feeling and exactly what thoughts are going on in my head without worrying how those around me might react, so I’ve come to enjoy posting here.
Even though I may (ok, probably will) never meet anyone who comments here, I’ll try and engage with people when I’m alone which should happen on regular enough basis that I hope people won’t feel ignored. That being said I am wishfully thinking anyone will read this ever >w<